Thursday, June 12, 2014

A Grace-Filled Home- two things I have learned to do

At any moment in my home we can be having a grace-filled or a yuck-filled moment. I call "yuck" any feeling, word or action that stems from our sin; typically things such as resentment,  bitterness, selfishness, pride, etc...examples- mean words, snapping at my kids,

I am blessed to say that in my home we have many grace-filled moments and typically the yuck is followed by grace...eventually...and to be completely honest- my husband is usually the one to bend before me...

Some people may find that shocking- me-the social worker/Ms. Helping Professional. But in the moments of our conflict- guess what? My pride usually outlasts his and he is usually the first to grab me, hold me and say, "I'm sorry babe." There have been SO many moments- after a heated discussion, where I am sulking a bit and walking around mad and my man has looked at me and said two words- "Come here." Then-I melt, I fall into his arms and all is well again.

This post is for him because his words of grace, forgiveness and his steady and consistent commitment to this is what gives our marriage the life that it needs to survive and thrive.

These are some lessons I have/am/will always be learning that I wanted to share:

1. With God's help-I have the power and the choice to turn yuck-filled moments into grace-filled moments:

Most of the time, the yuck from my hubby and my kids has nothing to do with me and vice-versa (they/I may be having a bad day/they feel rushed,  are tired, or are frustrated with something).

Frequently my response to their yuck-can turn the tide in that moment. I can choose to be a Thermostat, not a Thermometer: I don't have to absorb the yuck (thermometer), instead I can choose to change the temperature of the moment by offering grace (thermostat).

Some simple examples:
-"I'm sorry you are so frustrated. Can I help?"
-"I get really mad when things like that happen too."
-"Are you hungry? Can I fix you something?"

2. I can just be quiet for awhile... I can hold my tongue when I want to lash out-before I respond, I can step away and wait. For me- I try to wait a day if it is something that I know I will have a HUGE response to that I know may not be welcomed very nicely and then I will see if I still want to say the same thing. Sometimes I wait until the kids are in bed, sometimes I wait until after I finish a task, etc... I put up a boundary for my anger, frustration, etc.. so that I can
wait on God and talk it out with Him first. NOT EASY- but LIFE SAVING for my marriage!

Honestly- I find that typically by the next day, something good has happened to soften that moment and I can either approach it in a better way or leave it alone.

So-two things-short and sweet for having a Grace-Filled Home;

Be a Thermostat-not a Thermometer and Be Quiet

I would love to hear from you about how this principle works for you! Try it out and share with me!



Aimee said...

I love this, especially the being quiet. Unfortunatley, I often react and then realize later, or the next day, that it was not that big of a deal. I am a work in progress, for sure!

Elizabeth Jones said...

You and me both Aimee! A work in progress for sure. I have a tendency to go from zero to major emotional blow-out fairly quickly because I am so sensitive. It has taken me a VERY long time to learn the value of being quiet and I still mess up. BUT- it is such an awesome feeling to be quiet, watch the moment pass, see how God moves and then be able to either let it go or address the moment with tenderness, love and truth.