Thursday, October 30, 2014

Love Letters from God

This may seem strange- but because words are where I find my healing and peace, sometimes I think about what I would like to "hear" God say to me. I relish in compliments and verbal praise is my love language. So the other day in the quiet I closed my eyes and asked God to speak to me and tell me what He thought of me and this is what I heard in my heart...

Dearest baby-girl,

I saw you this morning- rubbing your eyes and dragging yourself out of bed, knowing that little mouths needed to be fed, husband's clothing needed to be ironed and that a request from precious little boys for sausage and strawberries was awaiting...

I saw you skip your shower because you knew that deodorant and perfume would suffice, and that that extra 15 minutes would mean time to empty the dishwasher and write notes for lunches.

I saw you push yourself to thank me for every little detail of the morning, so that you could find joy. I heard you asking for forgiveness for the extra chocolate you munched on last night, after feeling stressed. I wanted to remind you that although that chocolate is sweet that my Word is sweeter and I am waiting for you to let me hold you in those moments.

I saw you beam with pride as your 6 year old picked out a very handsome outfit and then laugh with giddiness and you saw the crazy-looking shoes he picked out and you did not have the heart to tell him because his eyes shown with pride and self-sufficiency.  

I saw how your two year old chose to sit and "help" you put on your make-up instead of watching cartoons with his big brother and eating breakfast and I hope you framed that moment in your heart as a reminder of how much your little guys love just being with you. I was proud of you for letting him put blush on your cheeks and powder on your face, even when he went a tad "overboard".

I saw how you grabbed your boys as they attempted to rush out the door to say a prayer. I know it hurt your feelings when the older one pulled away before you were finished but don't quit my daughter, these moments are game-changers for their days and set the tone and invite me into their days.

I saw how you threw the dirty dishes in the sink, and frustratingly mashed at the ants that will not give it up on your counter. Remember- this too shall pass. I saw you look at the unfinished projects and feel discouraged but wanted to remind you that you are also a work in progress and that I will help you complete what is necessary TODAY. And that those projects are not essential, that those PEOPLE, your people, ARE essential.

I saw you rushed home to get to the Dollar Store to get Halloween decorations because you knew that little boys would be excitedly ripping open the fun and splattering it all over the house in crazy mixed-up fashion and giddy fun.

I saw how you once again lingered over them sleeping and loved them fiercely.

Daughter of mine- I SEE you and I LOVE you and I am HERE. Connect with me and PRACTICE THE PRESENCE OF GOD in all of these moments and you will see our intimacy increase and grow and I know this is your desire. I have more love letters for you whenever you want to hear them.  

Love,
God

Monday, October 13, 2014

He is Jealous for Me




Today my face is twitching. Like for real, I am afraid someone will think I am a chipmunk when I talk to them, munching on an acorn:) It is WEIRD. It is stress and it is from lack of time with God. I am sure of it. My weekend was great- time with hubby, sleepover for my 6 year old, baseball, church and some good downtime by myself. I even watched a movie! But, something is wrong as I start this week.

It started yesterday after the baseball game and we had some time before church (we go to church at night). And I started panicking thinking about the week starting. I went into psycho-Mama-gotta-get-it-all-done mode. Laundry was being folded like I was on SPEED. I was picking up, de-cluttering, folding, hanging up, running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Side-note: my husband is off today and offered to help me with all of this- but I took it upon myself to get it all done because I am a bit of a control freak and want it done Sunday night (that is whole 'nother blog issue).

I went to church, enjoyed the service, but when it was time to sleep, I felt anxious and overwhelmed. Why?

I had not taken my Sabbath with the Lord.

I planned, I prepped, I organized, I loved, I laughed, I had fun, I supported and I connected with my family- we had a great weekend-but I did not sit with my Father...He was there waiting for me, but I ignored Him for what I thought HAD TO GET DONE.

And although I went to church, meant the words when I sang and prayed over my boys and with my husband before bed, I missed out on my time with God. 

And the words from a song I sang at church rang loudly in my heart this morning- "He is Jealous for Me..." and my stress started to melt away. I knew I had to take a 15 minute break from work and write this blog post. God was speaking to me and I hope He speaks to you too...

My God longs to be with me and my spirit longs to be with Him. When I am operating in my flesh, I bank my peace on temporary things; my house being clean, my laundry being done, my groceries bought, etc.. And even when those things are DONE (for the most part), I can still be in that pit of overwhelming anxiety- because I have soul anemia- I am spiritually bankrupt and I am empty.

Thank you God for reminding me that I need to spend time with you. When I get to the end of myself, He is there and He is faithful and He is waiting.

Listen to the words of this song and breathe deep. He loves you. He is jealous for you. His love is like a hurricane, you are a tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

How GREAT ARE HIS AFFECTIONS FOR YOU. OH HOW HE LOVES YOU sweet Mama.

How He Loves Us- David Crowder Band

"How He Loves"(originally by John Mark McMillan)

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us, oh,
Oh, how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us, oh,
Oh, how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If his grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about the way...

He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves.

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us...
Oh, how He loves us...
Oh, how He loves us.




Wednesday, October 1, 2014

What I Think God has to Say to Working Moms

Of course I don't pretend to know what God thinks, but I do know what His Word says about His love for us and I feel compelled to share what I have felt Him saying to me...you see- God has been wooing me this year, in a way like never before- loving on me and speaking to me and encouraging me and He wants to do the same for you.

I hope you will hear His heart for you as you read this:

My daughter,
I see you...

I see you at 5:30am when you are struggling to get out of bed and get your family ready for the day.
I see you packing lunches and prepping breakfast and dinner and thinking about your sweet children upstairs still asleep, hoping that you are doing the right thing by working.

I see you and the care you take packing backpacks and leaving notes in lunches because you are hoping that note will feel like a gigantic hug from a Mama who misses her kiddos during the day.

I see you at work, looking at pictures on your desk, on your phone and laughing to yourself at the latest antics of your little boy.

I see you picking up your kids, that first hour being tense- you wishing everything could just go perfectly, and them transitioning and feeling out of sorts and you wanting to get homework done, dinner made and when you snap at the boys, I see you feeling like a failure.

I see you stopping and hugging them, putting down the burnt dinner and pulling out the cereal and playing Leggo's in your work clothes and I want to say- "Atta girl! You know what's most important!"

I see you staring at them while they sleep, loving them so fiercely and deeply.

I see you at church on Sunday, staring at the bulletin and seeing that you can't make the Mama bible studies because they are during the day and how you don't want to go to an evening study anyways because every night belongs to those babies.

I see you staring at piles of laundry and wanting to cry.

I see you feeling alone a lot and wanting more connections.

I see you wanting to enjoy each moment with your kids but also needing friends and some time for yourself.

I see your sacrifice.

I see you and I want you to know that I am proud of you.

As proud of you as you are when your 6 year old hits a home run, or when your 3 year old starts to dress himself.

I am proud of your hard work, the details you put into your homemaking, and the ways in which you try to live for me in the workplace.

I am proud of you for watching your finances and budgeting and looking for ways to save money so that one day you can reduce your hours.

I am proud of you for working late some nights so that you can attend a field trip or earn extra money for school shopping.

I am proud of you not for what you DO though, but for YOUR HEART behind your actions.

I want you to know, to REALLY KNOW, that I have created these children with YOU in mind. YOU are EXACTLY what they need!

Never put yourself down for what you can/cannot do for these babies, but remember that I will fill in the gaps with my Holy Spirit and I will find people to help you when you cannot be there.

Your job is to HELP THEM SEE THE RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU AND I HAVE AS BEING MOST IMPORTANT.

Your job is to let them WATCH YOU depend on me, so that they can see that:

THEIR MAMA LOVES JESUS

THEIR MAMA NEEDS JESUS and that-

JESUS IS ALWAYS FAITHFUL TO THEIR MAMA.

And when they look back, they will remember how much  YOU LOVED ME and LOVED THEM in every crazy, quiet, frustrating, and joyful moment.

They will remember the prayers before leaving the house, the bible stories in the car, the lessons on forgiveness after a frustrating conversation, the Jesus Love Me's being sung over their sleepy bodies as they drift off at night...

They will see these things and they will want to know me more and that is all that matters dear Working Mama-Daughter of the King-Precious Child of Mine.

(side-note: God's love letter to Stay at Home Moms is much the same as above and remember- ALL MOMS ARE WORKING MOMS- this blog is for ALL MOMS, but it does specifically speak to the Christian Mom who works outside the home and is maybe struggling with this identity...)