Tuesday, March 10, 2015

After Work Memoirs and God's Amazing Grace

You know those days...
Work felt frustrating and meaningless, you come home and one of your kids just wants to play with friends and ignores your hugs, the other one whines non-stop..

...so being the Jesus-centered Mom that you are, you turn on the TV so you can ignore your growing irritation and your children's unsettled behaviors. Yes- you heard me right, this is what you do...and guess what? IT.DOES.NOT.WORK. DUH. 

BUT- you sit and you watch with them and you zone out.  

You  see everything around you that needs to get picked up and you start fussing at your kids for all their mess and you look at the bills on the table and your dog just threw up AGAIN and "WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING AT YOUR BROTHER AGAIN?" Comes spewing out of your mouth as...you...scream...at your son...


This was my after work victorious and beautiful act of mothering...I suck sometimes. For REAL.

So I tried again- this time I got cake (okay so maybe cake does not have to be the FIRST thing I do), and I got the Bible and I read and read and read to my boys. 

One of them covered his ears, the other one dipped his cake in his drink and fed it to the dog (thus...creating...more...mess) and although it seemed like it was not helping- I know God's Word WORKS, so I just kept reading...

Then...we played baseball, my boys laughed, my older boy shared with me some of his frustrations about his life- and I remembered how much he loved to be in charge so I had him teach me about baseball and he loved it- he embraced the coaching role and he seemed more positive. My little guy ran around throwing his ball into his mitt- happy and content...Progress...OKAY- I am getting there.

Then- it happens- I lose my keys- and I lose my mind. The car light is on outside and if I don't turn off the light, the battery will die. I yell at my kids to go to bed so I can find my keys and I feel like a GREAT BIG BULLY...I FIND MY KEYS.

 I apologize- my big boy tackles me with a hug, my little guy lays on my lap and smiles at me. 

SERIOUSLY- all this love,, for this SO undeserving Mama.

I hear that whisper...GRACE...it is quiet at first and then it is LOUD and then it EMBRACES ME and then I FINALLY RELEASE CONTROL.

So this is just one day in my messy Mommying...

I go to bed and check on my boys, they are sleeping angels.,,
..,and I am a failure, but I am not because I keep trying and I keep trusting and I confessing and I start over- EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. Mercies are NEW. They are all that I have to cling to...and I have to give them to myself and teach them to my children...

Tomorrow is a new day Mama's.

I love you!


1 comment:

Earlybirdmom said...

I'm so glad that Jesus never gives up on us! His mercies are new every. single. morning. Thank-you, Father! Learning to extend grace to oneself after failing and going to Jesus, again, is so important. Thank-you for sharing that very real glimpse of your life as a testimony of His grace and mercy. Hugs, Wendy Munsell