We stayed up late last night talking about forming bands, new girls in school, being nicer to each other and always forgiving. I decide if today I will shower or not. Some morning I will admit that I am almost relieved that I showered the day before because that gives me a few more moments before the day gets going.
Coffee on, big son comes down the stairs in his old, stained Navy T-shirt because today is College Spirit Day and he wants to be in the military (so he can shoot people of course- Moms of boys, you know that this is a normal thing to say, other people- my son is not a psychopath, he is just fascinated with all things guns, fighting and battles), anyways, bigger son wants some eggs and turns on the TV, little son comes next and cries that he doesn't want to go to school. I remind him that it is "Pj and Pancake day!" He does not seem impressed, yet. He wraps up in blankie and sticks his head on the couch.
I make some breakfast, remind them to say "thank you" (again) and I get ready for work. I'm grateful my pants are not too wrinkly and I put on some makeup and a scarf and feel a little more grownup compared to my Christmas mitten pj's.
I work, the kids go to school. The afternoon begins. I try to begin with prayer, usually the boys are either fighting or jumping around while I pray outloud, they think it is annoying sometimes, but I don't care- it helps me refocus.
From 3pm-9pm I spend the majority of my time, breaking up arguments, teaching the same thing over and over again about "how we talk to each other", pick up clothes, toys, more clothes and toys, make food, make more food, and play as much as I can. I play basketball, try to understand Minecraft, talk about wrestlers, try to let my boys be boys and play like monkeys (which they need but drives me nutso)...
I might host a mini-playdate and serve up snacks to big boys friends who destroy my home, but make me happy as they laugh and play (and of course shoot each other with Nerf bullets that never go away), some afternoons my little guy has a play-date and he and his buddy race around the house being superheroes and I try to remind myself to breathe and I take a lot of bathroom breaks just to get away from the crazy.
The dog goes in and out and in and out. Empty dishwasher, fill dishwasher, basket to washing machine, washer to dryer, dryer to basket, fold, put away, repeat at least once/day.
Looking for those moments (many days I forget), but thankfully I get a Holy Spirit nudge, "Hey look at that- that is just like how Jesus loves us!", "God cares about your homework, I promise. He is here with us." "Mommy needs forgiveness too, we always need to remember that we can always start over with Jesus."
Phrases and statements that I throw around in the midst of the busy and pray and hope that they stick like crazy super-natural glue to the important places in their little souls.
Stick somewhere where they can get them back and remember them when they need them again.
Stick in places where something new is happening, where new life is forming as they grow to be little men of God.
In the midst of the dishes, and backpacks, and inside out pants, and toothpaste on the sink and empty toilet paper rolls, my soul is begging...
"Please God, help me not to screw them up. Help me show them how amazing you are. Help me show them that you are way cooler than Minecraft and even Superman. Help me to learn who they are. How did you create them God? One feeds on talking and the other on constant playing- help me to have the energy to do both! And please don't let me forget to feed them your Word, always, always, always. Help me not to let them get full on this world, the lies, too much junk food, TV, screen-time, help me to reel them back in when they seem to be lulled away by the buzz and the noise. Help me to find holy moments to hold them and then give me wisdom to let them go and trust you all at the same time!"
Bedtime again, more lessons on being nice, nice words, nice actions, and then let's pray and thank God for the day. Every day. Again and again. It is my world. Work and School, the time we are apart, they are important, I pray for teachers, I email them when I have concerns, I stop by for lunchtime when I can, my work is good, I enjoy it, I work hard, it is fulfilling. And it is ALL my calling. ALL of it. But those mornings, afternoon/evenings and weekends when I am in the thick of discipling my children, those are some pretty hard, beautiful, messy, eternal moments.
I'm blessed.
Liz
Always refreshing to read your blog and be reassured that other working moms have the same struggles and thoughts. Thank you!
ReplyDelete