He had them all spread out on the bed and in "order".
He explained them to me- very proud.
He started to pick them up "in order" and his little brother (age 3), wanted to "help".
My son- exploded in anger at his brother- which he had done earlier on in the evening as well...and to be honest- the remnants of my frustration were remaining from that incident STILL...
So for him to do it again- I lost my temper-I did something awful-
I messed up all of his cards...why?
Guys- I literally took my hands and flung his cards all over the bed.
I was SO frustrated with his reaction that I wanted to make it worse- how old am I again? Oh yeah- I am turning 38 this week...
I yelled at him and told him that he needed to learn to "stop over-reacting to his little brother" and I explained that I messed up his cards to..."teach him a lesson"...
He cried and told me that he felt like I hated him...(my heart-breaking...)
Time for bed- I went in and sat next to him- he told me-
"Go away, I don't want to even hear your voice or see you."
He has never said that before...
I sat down on the floor in his room and prayed for him and his little brother-they share rooms- and I got up to go and I hear him say-
"Mommy- please don't go!" Oh thank God for kids that are gracious...
I sat on his bed and I held him- my big 70 pound, 8 year old, and told him- "Mommy messed up big-time buddy. I was so frustrated with your reaction and then I over-reacted too. I never should have done that. I am so sorry."
He did not accept my apology right away...He told me that in that moment he wished he had another Mommy, that he could not believe I would be so mean...
I told him he was right- that Mommy was mean...then we talked about how all of us can be mean...he listened...and he did not let go of me.
He kept hugging me.
Such grace from my big guy- what was I thinking? I wasn't. I was REACTING.
And was my son's behavior unacceptable?
Yes- but so was mine.
My son and I need to learn together not to over-react.
We need to learn together how to handle frustration without sinning against each other and other members of our family.
I so wish I could take that moment back- where I- spitefully messed up his cards, but I can't- however- I can redeem the moment.
I can repent
I can learn
I can change
I can do better today
We ended the night laughing at his little brother, giving another big hug and kiss...
Parenting is so hard sometimes.
But all I can do is be honest-I will get angry at my kids, I will over-react and do mean things, but I must be committed to changing and doing better for them- they deserve that.
I was given my sons to raise by a God who already knew I would mess up my son's Pokémon's cards out of frustration. He knew I would feel bad and he knew we would work through it together.
I am confident that I will be the Mommy God has called me to be because I am confident in my God and His work in me through motherhood.
We can do this Mama's....Just keeping it real.
And if you need help with your temper, let me tell you, there is practical tool- check this out: Temper Toolkit from Lisa Jo-Baker.
Elizabeth:
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this. When it happens to me, I blame it on my alter ego, Ursula The Sea Witch. She visits from time-to-time, and my kids don't like her. Afterwards, I always feel like a foolish child. Thankfully, my kids are generous with their grace too! There is so much power in asking our kids for forgiveness, isn't there? Thank you for being transparent. Our generation of moms needs more of that! Many blessings to you!
Thank you so much for sharing! I have recently realized this with my own son. He reacts how I react. I just thank God that he is showing me and that my son has grace for his mommy. Much love and blessings!
ReplyDeleteOh, thank-you Father, for generous children who extend grace, and for you, who make provision for eternal grace through your son, Jesus. Liz, this is a beautiful, very real account, of the kind of hard place most moms can relate to. (Me included.) I am so grateful that Jesus comes into those hurting places with His love and forgiveness. Hugs, Wendy M.
ReplyDeleteHi Elizabeth. Thanks for your vulnerability. Your story brings back memories of times when I reacted to my kids and they responded with grace when I asked for forgiveness. Probably every mom on earth can relate. Humility and admitting when we're wrong goes a long way. Blessings to you and yours.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Liz! Thank you. I have been there and done similar. Grateful for gracious kiddos, for sure!
ReplyDeleteThank you SO MUCH ladies for your comments, camaraderie and support! This was such a healing post for me to write. I knew after my son said- "Mommy-don't go!" after my ridiculous behavior, that it was a teachable moment straight from the Lord and I knew I had to share it. God Bless!
ReplyDeleteYou are a wonderful mother Liz, always looking for opportunities to direct your children to God!! You are wonderful and a great inspiration to the rest of us!
ReplyDelete